“Is it all right for men to cry?” he asked me, his eyes misty,
his chin trembling.
“Of course it is,” I replied.
“You’ve read the Psalms. David
wept. Think of the shortest verse in the
Bible, two words, ‘Jesus wept.’ (John 11:35 )
If Jesus cried, you can certainly cry.”
I told him how I have cried - a lot, it seems, lately - over
diagnoses and pain. No, I’m not a man
but I’ve usually taken bad news in my stride and bounced right back. I used to compare myself to the Bozo bop bag
my older brother had when we were kids.
You could punch it all you wanted, but it had a weighted bottom and it
would always bounce back upright, with that silly grin on its face. That was me.
Hit me with bad news and I bounce back, same silly smile on my
face. Until lately. I think it surprised my friend to hear that I
have been crying. He still saw me as the
Bozo bop bag.
There’s something in our culture that says we’re not supposed to
cry. We’re not supposed to show that
we’re hurting, or weak. But that’s not Biblical. It seems like we’re always reading about
people tearing their clothes or wearing sackcloth. In the New Revised Standard translation of
the Bible there are 122 uses of the word weep, and 78 uses of the word wept,
including Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, David, and, of course, Jesus. But somehow
in our culture we’ve been led to believe that strong people don’t
cry. This is so wrong!
Crying really does make you feel better. Scientists have found there are three types
of tears: reflex, continuous, and
emotional. Reflex tears allow your eyes
to rid themselves of irritants like smoke or chemicals. Continuous tears keep our eyes lubricated and
produce a chemical called lysozyme, which functions as an antibacterial and
protects our eyes from infection. But
emotional tears - those are special.
According to Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minnesota,
they contain stress hormones which are excreted through the body by the act of
crying. Those hormones and other toxins
which have accumulated are eliminated.
Emotional crying also stimulates the production of endorphins, our
“feel-good” hormones and natural pain killers.
Most of us have been hit, and hit hard. It has been a diagnosis, an accident, an
injury, a condition that has tried to sideline us. Maybe it has, temporarily. We have fought to continue on with our lives
as best we can. We have put on a strong
face to the world. And we have been
taught that tears are not part of that front.
If we have cried at all, we have cried in private. I am here to tell you that Frankie Valli had
it wrong. Big girls (and boys) do
cry. It does us a world of good;
physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Thank you, Lord, for the
healing gift of tears, and for the examples you set for us to follow. Remind us we need never be ashamed to
weep. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen
“This is my comfort in my
distress, that your promise gives me life.”
Psalm 119:50
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