“This is why I worry.” My husband placed a memorial service bulletin
in my lap and sat down. I didn’t know
what to say, but I soon found I was glad he’d opened the subject.
The wife of one of his co-workers,
a lovely young woman only 35 years of age, had passed away recently. She had Crohn’s disease, endometriosis, and
fibromyalgia, none of which are fatal.
But she was gone nonetheless.
“Now you know why I check to see
that you’re still breathing during the night,” my husband told me. I had no idea. Yes, I am a mess of disabling conditions and
diseases, but I don’t think of them as fatal, or myself as dying. Worse, I had never considered what my husband
might be thinking or feeling.
My dear husband travels a lot for
work, and he confessed that he worries that when he comes home, he might find
me deceased. I had no idea. How much fear he must carry with him! I have resolved to make each homecoming a
joyful experience for him, even when I’m not feeling well. I told him I understood a bit of his fear,
because he was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, and until it was
well-controlled, I had fears of him having a stroke while he was driving.
I wonder how may of us with
chronic illnesses realize how much our partners and caregivers worry about us,
or are fearful of finding us in dire situations? Have we ever had “that” talk with them? It isn’t easy, but I think it’s
necessary. We don’t know what unspoken
fears they might be facing, and there might be strains on our relationships
because of those fears. Speaking our
anxieties out loud, giving a name to them, makes them less frightening. It might even bring us closer.
It may be difficult getting your
partner to open up about their fears concerning you. No one likes to admit their vulnerability,
and the people caring for you, in particular, don’t want you to think they are
weak. But caring isn’t weakness; loving
isn’t frailty.
I am grateful that God gave me
such a loving, caring partner (we celebrate 40 years of marriage this weekend)
and I resolve once again to take the best care of myself that I can. This gift of life and love is precious, no
matter what challenges I encounter along the way.
The Lord is my strength and
my shield; in him my heart trusts; so I am helped, and my heart exults, and
with my song I give thanks to him. Psalm
28:7
Dear Father/Mother God, Thank you for taking care of us, for
providing us with friends and family to be your loving hands here on
earth. Help us to remember that
sometimes they worry about us more than we do, and to do our best to reassure
them through our smiles, through our words, through our actions. They are your angels on earth. Help us be deserving of their care, and let
us be angels, too. In your blessed Son’s
name we pray. Amen.
